One Final Note

I decided a few weeks ago to not continue with the blog…I did want to post a few thoughts as I finish out this last post.

I am still reading, maybe reading slower because the books I am reading are causing me to reflect, regroup, and move forward in a healthier way for me.

* Social media-I have been off Facebook for almost 5 months. I really don’t miss it…as a matter of fact sometimes I think Facebook makes me think less of myself then I need to. I wonder how people chose to live out their lives on social media. Who they leave out of their lives, who they include, maybe the ripple effect of those decisions. I will admit I am pretty sensitive so the less I know the better off I am. Right? Instagram, well I stick with it because it is like my photo album. Sometimes I have to remind myself of why I do it.

* Our words-language is such an important part of our lives. How we speak into our own lives, our families and our friends lives.

I want to share a few thoughts from the book I am currently working through slowly-when I am done I will have realized the huge impact it has with how I go forward.

Rising Strong by Brene’ Brown

“Yes. Yes, I really do believe that most of us are doing the very best we can with the tools we have. I believe we can grow and get better, but I also believe that most of us are really doing our best.” (P 108)

I am doing the best…you are doing the best…everyone I wonder what the hell they are thinking are doing their best.

That being said

“The trick to staying out of resentment is maintaining better boundaries-blaming others less and holding myself more accountable for asking for what i need and want.” (P 119)

Yes more boundaries.

“When we practice self-compassion, we are compassionate toward others. Self-righteousness is just the armor of self-loathing.” (P 119)

“Generosity is not a free pass for people to take advantage of us, treat us unfairly, or be purposefully disrespectful and mean.” (P 122)

My next read will be Hallelujah Anyways by Anne Lamott ….

Looking forward for the idea that in order to show mercy to others…I have to show mercy to myself first…working on that.


In a few months I will hit the big 60 :) In light of that I decided to get a tattoo :) , let my hair go naturally ‘white’, accept this next part of life that could last 25+ years…and stop being so hard on myself. Learning to live with self-imposed boundaries so I can enjoy life. Loving others, loving God.

Loving God

Loving others

Repeat…..

thanks for those who stuck with me for this little journey I attempted.

It’s been a while…..

FInished A Man Called Ove by Fredrick Backman.

Loved it….took me a while to get into but the first line was “Ove is fifty-nine.”

Yikes…so am I. I think Ove is an old 59. Hahaha

Plus Ove is a little grumpy.

But when I finished I realized how much I really enjoyed the book!

BOOKS I AM READING NOW:

The Little Book of Hygge By Meik Wiking

Where’d You Go Bernadette? By Maria Simple

THINGS ON MY MIND:

Life….life in segments.

0-22…..growing up physically, emotionally, spiritually, etc….gaining independence as you travel through these years.

22-@50…career, marriage, children, maybe career-changes-in some ways live life in a bubble….

50-hopefully 85???-dating your spouse again, traveling more, enjoying grandchildren, more time to read, see good movies, enjoy good food, be present…this is not the time to look ahead or reflect back….be present.

As I thought about this I thought…wow, in my head I felt like the 22-50 was the pinnacle of my life…what came after was just what was left. Now I am realizing that these ‘stages’ are not in competition with each other but have different values, especially for me as a person. I need to embrace my present more. Live life. Not worry about what maybe I should have done differently or what will happen when I ‘get old.’

This is such an amazing stage to be in. So many opportunities and options and choices.

As a result of this I am taking some time to resolve some things I have ignored. In order to move past somethings I need to see them for what they are and learn from them and move into the present.

So very thankful for a husband who walks with me through these stages since I was 22-so thankful for the faith we share that binds us together-so thankful for all the blessings we have shared together, for our children and their spouses and their children and for friends and extended family and for parents who loved us unconditionally and were an incredible example to us of teaching us what to value in life. Faith. Hope. Love. And the greatest of these is LOVE. All the rest is just stuff :)

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Will try to check back in more often.

 

 

2017 #3 book finished

The Paris Architect by Charles Belfoure

So this was a binge reading book. I read the book in 2 days. It was hard to put down and sometimes I just wanted to finish it so it would be over. I have mixed feelings about it. I had nightmares the nights I read the book during the day.

I felt strongly about some of the characters -like Lucien, Herzog, Bette, Adele…and actually that is the main reason I had mixed feelings. I really don’t want to say too much if you haven’t read it.

It is hard to read WW11 books, this one is based in Paris, during German occupation. I have read a lot of these genre books but still cannot understand how humans can treat other humans the way they do. Unfortunately it still goes on today and it is so hard to understand and think about.

Would I recommend the book? Yes. It kept my attention, I guess my strong feeling about/against some of the people is to be expected…just sad that some of them were kind of pathetic. Ironically Herzog & Bette were probably my favorite and why I kept reading.

On to finishing some other books I have started.

 

Finished 2 books :)

This past weekend we were on a road trip-there were a few shorter books I had been waiting to read and the car/hotel seemed like a good place to knock them off.

The first one was We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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It is a short read, and worth every minute. Don’t think I would have defined myself as a feminist before but I would …for that matter we all should after reading this book.

“Yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today and we must fix it, we must do better.”

“All of us, women and men, must do better.”

The second book was The Dash Diet for Beginners By Gina Crawford.

2017-trying to find reasonable and easy ways to improve my health and therefore my eating habits. It was good for a change to consider a way of eating that is do-able. It is one of the top rated ‘diets’ consistently at the top of the list for a few years. I started by looking for blood pressure eating advice, and this was originally the go-to but it has turned into an all around good plan for healthy eating. So I will try it. Half the book is recipes and there are a lot of other books out there, so if you are interested in one with more or less recipes you have a lot of choices. Hoping I can make this work and see some positive healthy results!

 

 

where did the time go…..

Happy 34th anniversary to us, Eric.

Why these pictures…they are not perfect. However, they are memorable moments for me. Here is why:  my dad, even though he wanted to sing the Hallelujah chorus as he walked me down the aisle is so focused on my mom…Eric’s love for his parents (still the same strong love today), the laughter as we entered the reception, me and my BFF (still to this day), my parent’s love, they set the bar high for marriage, my mother so grateful to be on the arm of her son, my brother & his family who have become over the years such a significant part of my life, the breaking of bread in rememberance of our Lord (whenever we break bread and drink wine we remember Him, and that is almost daily :)), the silly -potentially awkward moment with my dad shortly before he walked me down the aisle, and the so evident love my parents shared.

I looked through my pictures of this day and yes shed some tears. I looked at the pictures of all the people who shared the day with us. I have a picture of every one of them. I need to share those some day. So many of them are no longer here. But so many of them impacted my/Eric’s life in so many ways.

It was 34 years ago, January 8, 1983, on a very warm day for January in New York.

I remember waking up. I remember the florist delivering all the flowers to my house. I remember all my girl friends coming to get ready with me. I remember ‘secretly’ telling my BFF where my car was hidden and then putting my keys somewhere ‘safe’. Big mistake ! Fortunately the only mistake I made that day.

I remember the music at the wedding, yes all of it. When I hear it now I shed a tear. I remember sharing our vows, which we wrote and shared for the first time that day. I remember saying yes. I remember taking communion as if no one else was there. I remember going to his parents house and taking pictures with our families and close friends. I remember some of the reception.

I remember.

I love Eric. I still love Eric. I will love him till I have no breath left in me.

Life has not always been easy, but we have stood side by side. Through career changes, no money, small living spaces, many church experiences, lots of friends, raising 2 children, 2 children’s weddings, our grandchildrens births, my parents home-goings, lots of address changes..I could go on.

I cannot imagine a better person to have faced these years with. Still I wake up to crazy sticky note messages (I usually don’t deserve). Eric is the epitome  of Godly love. And so he is the reason some days I still believe.

So after all of this I have to share the hymn we sang together on our wedding day because really at the end of the day I know the shared faith we met because of is the same faith that has bound us together 34 years later.

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided—
Great is Thy faithfulness,” Lord, unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

 

A picture isn’t always worth a 1000 words…

Recently I have been thinking how pictures I took years ago were not so ummm professional BUT they bring back the most vivid memories of special moments. The perfect staged photos sometimes lack the feeling and/or emotions of those candid shots…so I decided in 2017 I would take more of those candid shots.

That being said, about 2 weeks ago I started looking at B&B’s again (has always been a kind of dream to own/run one). I found the perfect one, small, on the water (270 degree water view), lovely owners quaters, in the OBX. Really, what? I contacted the realtor and got info, it all ‘looked’ so good, the pics and the feedback.

It is our anniversary tomorrow and I thought, perfect a weekend trip to the OBX, we could check out the B&B, and celebrate our 34 years together. We had set up and appointment for 9 on Saturday morning. After a lovely lunch in Duck we had some time and decide to do a drive-by of the B&B…so excited, anxious, nervous…it is right next to Kitty Hawk, so perfect for an aviation fanatic :)

And then we saw it :(

We knew this was no dream come true.

If you want to check out the pics and info we saw before we got here this is the link

http://www.zillow.com/homedetails/1293-Colington-Rd-Kill-Devil-Hills-NC-27948/86657727_zpid/

However this is what we saw…

way way way closer to the road then we expected…and a major road at that

much less property around the house

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…and the B&B was built with porches (with a water view) for every room, but unfortunately a very small stretch of water before the lovely view of the ‘homes’ on the other side.

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So, we cancelled the arrangement with the realtor for this morning and instead found ourselves some amazing Duck Donuts…wow, made to order. Crazy. Then went and bought a game and will hunker down and stay warm while the storm here in the OBX passes. So all is good.

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No regrets about checking it out and getting away. I would have always wondered if we missed out if we had not seen it. However pictures do not always tell the whole story.

 

 

Thoughts about time

This year is one of those milestones I was not looking forward to…trying to not dwell on it but to embrace time and live it fully now. One of the books I am reading (The Broken Way) has some great thoughts about time…still reading but want to share this small part,

“It takes courage to listen with our whole heart to the tick of God’s timing rather than march to the loud beat of our fears.”

“Time can’t dictate dreams or hijack hope or determine destination. It can’t force us into living anything but what we believe. No matter what the hands of the clock say, underneath us all are the everlasting arms, and time’s arms are too weak to rob any hope, steal any prayers, destroy any joy, or crush any purpose. TIme never heals wounds like God does.”

and for my picture for yesterday #2017realmoments

Had to capture this moment…for 3 years I have watched as both this sweet boy and his bigger brother sat in this chair and Bailey has attentively waited for even just a scrap to fall…the difference between the 2 boys has been that Connor loves to put food on his fork and feed it to Bailey.

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Things to work on…

Not a huge fan of resolutions but I like to reflect and consider what ‘healthy’ changes I could work on in the coming year. The word resolution just makes me feel like I am setting myself up for failures.  So anyway. In 2015 I went with a less is more theme…and realized at the start of 2016 I would keep it going….then 2017 came a few days ago and I have repeated and redefined some of the same ones.

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a little explanation for this year…

* less apologizing more accepting and loving myself (I say I am sorry way too much for everything, crying, being too sensitive, my faith, my mistakes…. they all make me who I am)

* less ladders more different paths (don’t want to see others as above or below me but we are all on our own path…this life is not a competition-whew, what a relief that is)

* less hurt more focus (I allow others to hurt my feelings and am always afraid to let them know, not sure I can change that but I can change focus on me and not allowing myself to be hurt by others choices-goes along with being ‘overly’ sensitive)

* less negativity more love for the Creator and his creation (less negative words about others, life…less allowing myself to watch, read, see things that add to the already negative atmosphere around me-) in the words of Bambi :) “If you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all.”

* less being anxious and worrying and stressing and more trusting the Creator.

Another pic and update on books

 

#2017realmoments

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We have come a long way in the dog walking, so sweet. Ryan encouraged Bailey the whole way and was so careful to ‘not let him get hurt by cars.’ I want to remember these special moments together.

And now an update on present books I am reading:

#1.   Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

#2.  The Paris Architect by Charles Belfours

#3.   The Broken Way by Ann Voskamp

Just before the holidays I finished Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult. The book was hard to both read and to put down. A challenge to read and consider how I can take this as a lesson about our society and my culture. I highly recommend it to be read.

New Years Stuff

Keeping this short…but making some changes.

Going to post a picture , candid, real moments picture, like this (papa reading to Ryan)

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going to try to do one a day. I realized after spending time today looking at old pictures that we miss out on the memories by only posting those perfect social media-type pictures. So i am going to try to capture moments that happen that are worth remembering many years from now….

I have been reading a lot and yet have not written about the books….lots of reasons. Will try to be better at that too.

Right now I am reading Broken Ways by Ann Voskamp. In between tears I am loving it. I have 2 other books I am also reading and will catch you up on that with tomorrow picture.

For those of you who read this thanks for bearing with me.